Happy Father’s Day! To all the dads out there, thank you for everything that you do all year long for your family. To my Dad, thank you for continuing to embody a shining example of how to be a leader, treat people right, and love your family.
On the theme of fathers, there can often exist an unspoken burden for dads (and men in general) to embody a rock-solid foundation at all times. I’m not a father yet, although Hippie and Roscoe might insist that the man who takes care of them every day qualifies. The burdens I carry in the life I’m building right now are my preparation for that time and I’ll need to learn to Continue at Capacity for our future family.
This one was emotional to put together and encapsulates the feeling I, and likely many of you, have in life right now.
I hope you enjoy it!
What Being “Always On” Does
If you can picture a hamster wheel, then you can visualize my current feeling quite well.
Being “Always On” drives us closer to burnout. It’s this feeling of ‘never being done’ that slowly begins to engulf us. If we don’t learn to find outlets, to be introspective about our situation, and to ask for help, we will never find capacity. It’s hard when we can’t complete important tasks, rarely get enough time for rest, or have to say no to things.
It’s tough too, because there is a confidence that comes from demonstrating reliability across many domains of my life. I’m extremely grateful that people believe in me.
It comes with a price though. The price that comes with the expectation of: “he’s going to come through” or “he’s the guy for that.”
When I’m not able to deliver, or at least show up the way I want to for others, it hurts. My communication has suffered in the last two years. I’ve had weeks and months where I fail to complete projects and goals. Various areas of my life suffer constantly until I’m able to pick the baton back up (and inevitably drop another).
I’ll own that I’m not always able to give the same to every area. But I can assure you that at any point, whatever area of my life needs it the most, I will be there to pick up the baton.
If you’re “Always On,” you will always feel like you’re on a hamster wheel. And even if you are a pretty fit hamster, eventually you will get tired.
The World Fosters Burnout (But We Still Have A Choice)
Wedding year. Striving for promotion. Building my creator brand. Handling life with two dogs.
This may be the busiest year of my life. But I hate using “busy” as an excuse or a label. Everyone is busy.
Throwback to the Nanalan memes from two years ago, but this is what’s happening!
More. We are never satisfied.
But you know what? The capacity we manage is our choice.
We get to choose how much “optimizing” we do along with many of the commitments we accept. It will get overwhelming at times, and that’s part of being human.
And for me, I will choose to handle it every single day. It’s a blessing to manage the capacity of making my biggest dreams come true with the people who always stand by me.
Why Do I Keep Going?
As cheesy or basic as it sounds, the people in my life are a tremendous source of motivation. The other primary driver is the burning in my soul to make something of the life I’ve been given.
People
Kylen and I will have our wedding in Spain this September. When I wake up every day, I have an urgency to do whatever I can to give her the wedding of her dreams. This has called for extra hours of work, late nights of writing, stress of juggling hundreds of conversations, and so much more.
Throughout my 20’s, I’ve said that I’m very lucky to have the people I have in my life. As I mentioned in the “Always On” section, I take responsibility in being able to “deliver” for people. The ability to give back to the people who support me drives me forward.
When I started writing, my ultimate mission was to write a book. There’s some underlying desire to leave a legacy, but even greater is to make a lasting positive change in the world. Now, not only am I still on the path to writing a book, but I get the opportunity to share my Spirit with over 100 readers every Sunday. That is incredibly cool.
My parents, friends, coworkers, and the community here on Substack have given me so much. In these days that never seem to get easier, I’ve had wonderful people share kind words that restored a lot of confidence when I needed it. Thank you all for being a source of energy so often when I need it the most.
In the same way that my Dad was a role model in my life, I want to be the same for our future kids. To show strength and be the pillar, even when it’s hard. I know it will not be easy, but I know that the effort I give each day correlates to the quality of life our children will have.
Continuing at Capacity for the people in my life is a non-negotiable.
Myself
I’ve always dreamed of making my mark on the world, but I never knew how. I’ve set countless goals, achieved plenty, and fell short of plenty more.
For as long as I can remember, there’s an inner dialogue that constantly asks: “is this all that you got?”
My competitive soul holds my very self to a standard that no one else can set for me. It’s always been that way.
There’s no one who will ever expect more from me than myself. I define my standard.
I set these standards and have always believed that God challenges us to the highest degree of our aspirations. If you want to be truly great, I believe you will see truly formidable challenges on the way.
I choose to keep going because I never want to look at the man in the mirror and say “I didn’t give you all I got.”
Final Words
Thank you for making it to the end! I’m always grateful for the chance to find clarity and share the feelings I have about life through writing. Continuing at Capacity is something I know all too well, and I’m sure many of us can relate to. We all have our reasons to keep going and whatever yours are, I hope this post helped to remind you of them.
In exciting news, I will be having my 5th Live video with Claudia M. Zedda next Saturday at 10AM CST! She has an incredible story from Italy to Ireland and how she has built a life for herself. We will be discussing resilience and how it applies to challenging seasons, fitness, and writing online. We hope to see you there!
Happy Father’s Day! Have a great week!
The concept of always on and open loops really tie in together. These are so soul and energy draining. Even though one might be doing everything that’s ‘aligned’, open loops drain energy regardless.
It’s safe to say you’re WEEEELLLL on your way (beyond well, you’re doing amazing Chase!) to becoming a fantastic father and one of the pillars in your future family. Your kids are bound to have an amazing dad!
Keep shining Chase! (And give yourself permission to turn off for 5 minutes every now and then 👊)
I love your passion, Chase. It comes through so clearly in your writing. About your impact - know that every word you write leaves a small, but important legacy and tells the world who you are. That is important. If I were to provide any insights for you, it would be to give yourself grace. Know that the person you strive to be is already here. A great read for sure.